


powders for bone, berries for blood

by ABaskerville



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, fili and kili are pranksters, shenanigans ensue, unfortunately so are you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:36:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24574681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABaskerville/pseuds/ABaskerville
Summary: The dwarves are superstitious.You take advantage of this to get back at Fili and Kili.
Kudos: 26





	powders for bone, berries for blood

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” Bilbo asked.

From behind the bushes, you held your breath as one by one, the dwarves answered ‘no’, prompting Bilbo to suggest a search party that many supported. Gandalf put in that you were likely to be on a nearby spring and should not be disturbed, to which Bilbo looked extremely concerned.

“But you’ve been talking about tonight for days – what with the ghost moon and hauntings starting soon,” Bilbo protested. He looked round at the dwarves for support, and received hums of agreement amidst the bustling activity of bedding down early for the night.

“Nonsense,” Gandalf said, nonchalantly lighting a pipe as the last rays of the sun slowly disappeared over the horizon. “There is nothing special about tonight. Ghosts and hauntings – these are always present on the long road, and darkness brings forth many foul things, whatever the date is.”

You could swear the wizard winked at your direction. You would have to find a way to thank him later on.

You huddled down and wrapped the blanket tighter around your thin nightgown, already feeling the cold chill. You were a bit guilty to find that Bilbo continued to look troubled as he set aside a plate of dinner near the fire, but it was much too late to back out, and you would never have a better chance at revenge on Fili and Kili for the accident at the spring last week.

The dwarves feared the 31st of the 10th month, and Fili and Kili, youngest and most vividly remembering the bedtime tales of their nurses, were the jumpiest of the lot.

As expected, the two brothers also volunteered to take the first watch, for the early nightfall was the safest. This was just as well, because you couldn’t afford to wait till midnight hunched over the hedges outside camp; you would freeze to death.

The camp settled down quickly to your relief, and snores soon filled the air. Carefully, you made your way close to Fili and Kili. They had chosen a spot a little closer to camp than usual, and you had to creep past them in order to find shadows deep enough to hide in.

By this time, the air had become freezing, and your hands were beginning to lose feeling.

Now or never, you thought.

Slowly, your legs straining at the effort of kneeling for so long, you crawled into sight. In the half-light, you were a pale apparition with wood-wild hair and moon-lit face slashed morbidly deep enough to show bone beneath, blood still partly wet upon your neck and staining the front your thin white dressing gown.

Fili choked on his drink, and Kili screamed so loud that the other dwarves snapped awake.

You had barely crawled closer and raised a clawed hand when all the dwarves had joined a distressed Fili and Kili, weapons raised. It was all you could do not to start laughing hysterically then and there. Despite their weapons, it was they who shuffled ever awkwardly backwards at your approach. Spurred at the success of your masquerade, you leapt forward and grabbed Kili’s ankle, prompting a panicked shuffling among the dwarves as he fell to his back.

Your glee was cut short when a glimmer of silver caught your eye, along with a long white staff. Wide-eyed, you let go of Kili and peered at the sword and the staff locked above your head. Fili had come to his brother’s defense, and while swords would not do much against true phantoms, your neck was very much capable of being severed from your head.

“I think that’s quite enough for tonight, Y/N,” Gandalf said. “Any further and you might in fact be a phantom that haunts us till Erebor.”

“Y/N?” Fili exclaimed, quickly withdrawing his sword. Overhead, Ori and Bombur were helping Kili to his feet, but had to support him on their shoulders to keep him aloft.

A rough hand pulled you up by the back of your gown, and with a strained look over your shoulder, you found yourself staring at the livid face of Thorin Oakenshield.

“Causing undue alarm to the company is entirely uncalled for!” Thorin bellowed.

“I wouldn’t have done it if Fili and Kili stopped jumping at me from the shadows!” you snapped defensively. A tiny voice at the back of your head whispered you also thought it would be fun, but it was quickly silenced.

Thorin took a deep rumbling breath as Fili cleared his throat, and Kili looked up between Ori and Bombur with a guilty face.

“Fine, okay, let’s all calm down, shall we?” Bilbo cut in, coming up beside Thorin, his elven knife still in hand. “No one will be jumping out from shadows from now on.” At this, he looked at everyone, lingering long and hard at you and Fili and Kili.

“Agreed,” Fili says, and you and Kili nod.

“I’m going back to bed,” Dwalin muttered irritatedly from the side, and one by one, the dwarves put away their weapons and crawled back to bed.

“Thorin,” Bilbo said after a while. “You can let go of Y/N now.”

Thorin seemed to remember only then that he still had what was technically a stranglehold on you, and finally let go. With a gruff command, he bid Fili and Kili to wipe the monstrosity you have done to your face, before marching away muttering about nightmares. Bilbo stepped forward to help, but Thorin called back knowingly that he was not to interfere.

Bilbo huffed and made to follow him, but not before he told you he’d warm dinner for your return.

Let to yourselves, you stared at Fili and Kili. It was Fili who finally suggested a stream nearby to wash off the makeup. As you walked, he praised you for your skill and apologized for nearly cutting of your head. Kili was quiet, but when you reached the water, he offered a clean cloth for your use, and you knew he did not bear a grudge.

You talked amiably with the two dwarves while you took off the makeup, explaining how you made the blood from berries you found at the side of the road near the troll caves. You didn’t mention that Gandalf also lent you a couple powders. By the end of your wash, you found you had forgiven them for the countless frights they’d given you. It was a comfortable walk back, with Kili talking ever louder as he told her how they once pushed Balin into what turned out to be a barrow – and nearly had themselves killed by Dwalin – when a quiet chuckling stopped the three of you in your tracks.

“What was that?” Kili asked.

“Sounds like a girl…” Fili said, as the laugh came again.

They looked at you.

You raised your arms in innocence.

The laugh was much, much closer on the third time, almost as if it came from the bushes to your right. As one, the three of you felt the hairs on the back of your neck rise, and in an instant were running back to camp.

**Author's Note:**

> Rewatching the first Hobbit movie has convinced me entirely that the dwarves spend more than a few nights sharing ghost stories.


End file.
